IN THE most dramatic scene since Keira stomped around with a frozen daiquiri, Michael has pulled a dog move that sent shockwaves around the Bachelor in Paradise island.
“Whatever bro code there was — not only has it been stopped. It has been absolutely detonated,” a stunned Luke said when Michael stole his girl at Wednesday night’s rose ceremony.
Perhaps a touch dramatic but, sure, whatever.
Since Michael washed up on the island, he hasn’t really liked anyone. Except Lisa. He thinks he maybe could potentially like Lisa, but she’s been kissing Luke so he’s left her alone.
And when it’s announced the boys are the ones in control of the roses tonight, he’s sent into a spin.
“What the hell am I gonna do? I got no one. I haven’t had any real connections. I haven’t given one rose to a girl who I really wanted to get to know,” Michael confides in Keira. Because, when in need of a trusted confidant, it makes complete sense you’d select Keira.
“The problem is there’s so many couples now. Half the people are out of play,” he continues. “I never really had a chance to spend any time with Lisa. Ever.”
He says he might like Lisa but he doesn’t want to make Luke cry but then he remembers loyalty is for losers.
“I’m sick of playing games, I’m sick of messing around. And I finally want to give a rose
to someone who I want to get to know.”
It’s at this point Keira realises that — without pink Jarrod interested in her anymore — there’s no one else left to keep her here.
So Keira hatches a plan. She decides to prey on Michael’s loneliness and pretend to be into him.
The interaction goes like this.
Keira: “Please choooooose meeeeeee.”
Michael: “No go away get off me stop it you smell like daiquiri.”
Again, Michael selects Keira to be his most trusted companion on the island and reveals that he has an explosive move in store tonight.
Keira’s left conflicted. She hates feeling rejected but relishes the looming drama. As she stumbles back toward the frozen daiquiri machine, Michael darts over to Lisa and lays the groundwork for destruction.
Meanwhile, Eden gets cross with Nina for not having sex with him on a pool lilo and calls her selfish.
At the rose ceremony just moments later, we wait for Michael to drop his meticulously groomed bombshell.
“This is the hardest decision I’ve made. And I almost feel like I’d be selling out if I didn’t do what I wanted to do,” he says. He explains that, for the past few ceremonies, he’s given roses to girls he doesn’t even like. It’s brutal but we ignore the bitch-slap.
“I’m not gonna do that anymore. I’m aware of repercussions. I sold out. I’m not doing that anymore.”
And then, he picks Lisa.
We cut to Luke. He seems heartbroken but that could also just be his face.
“Whatever bro-code there was — not only has it been stopped. It has been absolutely detonated,” he says.
“It’s an absolute trainwreck,” Sam observes, which is a total coincidence because that’s exactly what I say every time I see his man-bun.
The heavy feeling of guilt begins to rush through Michael. He can’t handle it. Sobbing, he runs out of the tiki hut.
The cameramen go rough and ready and chase him. Seconds later, we find Michael hunched over on the ground in his white capri pants.
“I’m a dog mate. I dogged my mate,” he cries.
Michael might feel bad, but Luke feels worse. Now he’s lumped with the chore of choosing a girl he’s never even spoken to.
Keira or Nina? He doesn’t like either of them but, like us, he’s here for the lols so chooses Keira.
It’s frozen daiquiris all around.
For more observations on white capri pants and pool lilo sex, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir
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