The Sex Lives Of Puppets Are None Of Our Concern

Muppets Bert, left, and Ernie, from the children's program "Sesame Street," are shown in New York. (AP Photo/Beth A. Keiser, file)

Something strange happened yesterday. Sesame Workshop released an official statement to clarify the fact that iconic odd couple Bert and Ernie do not engage in sexual intercourse, and “do not have a sexual orientation.”

Why was the behind-the-scenes sex lives of the two puppets called into question? Because this is 2018 and things have gotten really weird, and also because #Bert and #Ernie were trending on Twitter yesterday due to former Sesame Street writer Mark Saltzman stating in an interview that he wrote Bert and Ernie as a “loving couple.”

Saltzman is gay, and reportedly took inspiration from his own long-term relationship when writing the characters. And of course, that’s what the best writers do, they plunder details from their personal lives and spin them into relatable fiction; maybe that’s part of the reason why the relationship between Bert and Ernie feels so genuine.

The dynamic between the two is extremely similar to Frog and Toad, a fantastic series of children’s books written by … a repressed gay man, Arnold Lobel. Reading the books with knowledge of Lobel’s sexuality makes it pretty obvious what’s really going on with the two amphibians.

But that little detail isn’t relevant, at all. Those books show two very different individuals simply living life together, fighting, comprising, enjoying each others company, and sharing their feelings. It’s like a guidebook on how to maintain a healthy relationship, but sex doesn’t come into it, seeing as it is, again, a story intended for young children.

Having sat through many an episode of Sesame Street with my kids, I can attest to the fact that Bert and Ernie are by far the most entertaining (and genuinely funny) characters on the show, especially compared to the grating Elmo’s empty personality and broken sentences (I have watched way too much Elmo for my own good).

But the gleeful reaction across social media, the “coming out party” for Bert and Ernie didn’t feel right. Why do we feel the need to sexualize characters designed for preschoolers? Why do we feel the need to reduce male friendship to sex?

Undoubtedly, because there’s precious little representation for LGBT characters in fiction, because of how insanely prudish society still is. Remember the uproar over the “gay” scene from Beauty and the Beast? That was nothing more than an easter egg, at best, but from the ridiculous overreaction, you’d think Disney had shown full penetration.

Thankfully, times are changing; the finale of Adventure Time confirmed a long-suspected same-sex relationship with an onscreen kiss, and Steven Universe is boldly going where no other animated show would dare when it comes to LGBT representation, which earned them a ban from the Kenya Film Classification Board for "glorifying homosexual behavior".

There’s a reason Sesame Workshop felt the need to release an official statement regarding the pair of puppets and what they do, or don’t do, with their felt genitalia; they have a lot to lose from the intolerant segment of the audience.

That being said, why should every close male friendship be interpreted as romantic? Look the conversation surrounding Finn and Poe from Star Wars. Hell, even the supposed sexual tension between Spongebob and Patrick had to be officially dismissed by Nickelodeon.

There is most definitely a stigma against onscreen homosexuality, but there’s also a social stigma against men opening up to one another emotionally, especially when they reach adulthood. Those close childhood friendships become increasingly difficult to maintain as puberty hits, with jokey terms like “bromance” and ”no homo” repeated like magic words, safeguarding against potential public misconception that shouldn’t exist in the first place.

If we really want to combat toxic masculinity, then it might be a good idea to stop sexualizing preschool puppet shows, and stop infusing sexuality into every male friendship we see onscreen. The LGBT community might be in desperate need of role models, but so are little boys, and their best friends.

Sorry, got a little emotional there. No homo.

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